★ for the closers who grew up online
The thing you do every monday morning that makes you wanna jump out a window? I build the tool that ends it. $2k flat. Built in 7 days. Full refund inside 30 days if it's mid.
→ you pick the chore
The one recurring task that's eating ~4 hours of your week and making you want to quit. cleaning apollo dumps, logging gong recaps, building proposals, whatever.
→ i build the tool
One custom script / extension / bot that does exactly that thing, automatically, forever. delivered in 7 days. yours to keep.
→ you get the hours back
To book more meetings. To go to the gym. To touch grass. To finally do the side hustle. your call.
★ what i've killed
№ 01
🪄Paste in your messy Apollo CSV. Get back only the leads that match your ICP, with personalized first lines, ready to drop into Outreach. The thing you've been doing on Sunday nights, done in 8 seconds.
№ 02
📞Forward a Gong link, get back: TL;DR, next steps, sentiment, and a draft follow-up email that sounds like you (not ChatGPT). Logged to Salesforce before you finish your coffee.
№ 03
📡Daily DM with: every contact in your book who switched jobs, every account that just raised, every champion who hit "open to work." The intel your AE-of-the-month is already paying for, but cheaper.
№ 04
🎯Open rates, link clicks, and a daily list of every opp you should re-engage today — sorted by deal value. If they ghosted, you'll know. If they didn't, you'll know that too.
Or something completely different. you name the chore, i kill it. same price either way.
★ do the math (or don't, idc)
→ the chore
~4 hrs
a week on the same dumb task. apollo scrubbing, gong recaps, follow-up reminders, whatever it is for you.
→ per year
200 hrs
five full work weeks. every year. forever. doing the same thing. by hand.
→ at $120k OTE
~$11k
/year of your time, lit on fire. on the chore the tool would do.
★ payback
~9 wks
the build pays for itself in two months. everything after is gravy.
also: the 200 hours you get back is the part where you actually book more meetings and close more deals. real ROI is way bigger than "your time at OTE." just saying.
★ the deal
$2k
to build it (build + 30 days)
One tool, scope agreed up front, in your hands in 7 days. Includes the first 30 days of fixes / tweaks / hosting. No "engagements." No "phases." No deck.
$300/mo
starts day 31. cancel anytime.
Bug fixes, tweaks, hosting, the occasional "can you also make it do X." Skip it and keep the code — it'll keep running.
$0
if it's mid
30 days to decide. If the build isn't pulling weight, every dollar back. No interrogation. Vibes-based refund.
👋
hi, i'm burch.
one guy. one laptop. zero project managers.
no webinar. no 12-page proposal. no "let me get on a call to qualify." you tell me the chore, i tell you what i'll build, we agree on it in writing, a week later it's running.
i run email infrastructure that quietly sends a meaningful chunk of all the cold email you receive on a given day. (sorry.) i know my way around the tools you use, and the dark corners of the tools you don't yet know exist.
if you're gonna spend $2k anyway — on a course, on a sequencer add-on, on notion templates from some influencer — spend it on one thing that actually kills ~4 hours of your week. every week. forever.
★ say hi
pick the contact method you wouldn't ghost.
alex@goated.tools
+1 312 505 2911
★ heads up
i only take 4 builds a month. if the calendar's full, i'll tell you straight up.